Kunai in the Chest
by ilovemyboys
Summary: After Deidara refuses to take out the Kunai embedded in his chest, Pein orders Sasori, Kakuzu, and Kisame to do it for him. Fun ensues!


**Kunai In The Chest**

_By ilovemyboys_

One-Shot

**Authors Note:** Kakuzu and Sasori are in **BOLD **because I wanted to get the emotion of their gruff manner of speaking.

* * *

_FLASHBACK: _

"**You still didn't take that Kunai out brat? You can't let it stay there forever or it'll get infected and **_**I'll **_**have to deal with any poison you get from it."**

"Shut up Sasori. I'm fine," Deidara snapped.

"**I don't give a shit about your well-being. Just don't be a thorn in my side," **Sasori growled as he got up and left the blonde bomber after their barely successful mission, much to both their chagrin.

_PRESENTLY:_

"Is that all sir?" Kisame asked Leader Pein, after reporting a successful solo mission. Itachi still had to come back from his own solo mission and was expected in the next day or so.

Pein's expressionless eyes shown back at Kisame as he opened his mouth and stated calmly, "No… Sasori, come in."

The door behind Kisame opened suddenly as the shark-man glanced behind him in surprise at seeing the puppet master standing there.

"You wanted me Leader Sama?" Sasori asked gruffly, looking like he didn't care in the slightest what Pein wanted, and was rather annoyed by being called in as well.

"Yes…I did…" Pein let out a calm sigh as he cupped his hands under his chin while both Missing-nin looked at him expectantly.

"I need the Kunai embedded in Deidara's chest to be taken out. He has not only avoided taking it out himself but has denied any help whatsoever. Due to the high chance of lead poisoning that those Shinobi use, and the fact that I simply can't have an injured member fighting with a weapon still embedded inside of him, I need it taken care of."

Sasori looked at Pein unbelievingly.

"**You want us **_**both **_**to get that metal out of the brat?" **He asked angrily. He did _not _have time to deal with this right now.

"Yes," Pein answered simply.

Kisame looked over at Sasori, equally confused.

"Oh…" Pein added. "And Kakuzu will be the one to take it out. You two will just provide….assistance…He is on his way into the base as we speak."

"What are you talking about, if you don't mind me asking Leader Sama? Are all three of us really necessary?" Sasori tried to refrain from showing his frustration too much in front of his leader, although it came out slightly anyway.

"Sasori… for someone who is Deidara's partner, you certainly don't know much about him," Pein replied calmly, his deadpan gaze fixed on Sasori.

Sasori froze. He wasn't expecting that. What did Leader Pein mean by that? _You certainly don't know much about him?_

Pein seemed to read his mind as he continued, "Deidara, like the rest of you, does not do well with receiving help. Especially any medical help… And as such he may need to be handled by the two of you before he gets too chaotic… I really don't want any more explosions in the base right now…" Leader Pein trailed off with a glare sent at each of them, meaning**, "**_**don't you dare let him use his clay."**_

Before either nin could say another word, Pein ordered calmly, "You may go."

As Sasori and Kisame bowed in respect to their leader, Kisame shut the door as they walked away.

"So how do you suppose we do this Sasori?" Kisame asked.

Sasori thought for a moment. Then it hit him.

….

As Sasori and Kisame walked into the living room, they found Deidara lying against the cushions of the couch as he tried to put on a façade of well-being, even though every movement sent a spark of pain into his body that showed all too clearly on his face. He was working on molding some of his art when he noticed Sasori walk toward him and frowned, wondering why the Puppet Master would willingly come back to him after their argument.

"What's up Sasori?" Deidara asked cautiously.

"Oh nothing brat…Just your cooperation…"Sasori almost smiled down at his partner in front of him.

Deidara eyed him suspiciously.

"What do you mean-**Hey! Kisame! What are you-"**

"Holding you still. Now _calm down _Deidara," Kisame tried to relax the blonde bomber as he held onto Deidara's arms from behind, holding the missing nin down.

"**Damn it Kisame! Let go!"**

"No," Kisame replied simply.

Deidara's eyes sent daggers at the both of them.

"**What the hell is going on!" **Deidara shouted.

"**Brat, hold still. Kakuzu will be here any minute," **Sasori growled.

"Wait, what? I'm sure not having _him _dig this out!"

"How do you know that's why he's coming?" Kisame asked.

"Why else would you two gang up on me like this!" Deidara snarled.

"Deidara, this isn't a big deal," Kisame rolled his eyes.

"Hell yeah it is!" Deidara shouted as he desperately attempted to squirm out of Kisame's strong hold.

"**He's the only medical nin we have, and it's better if _he_ gets that Kunai out of your chest than you trying to get it out yourself brat."**

"I doubt that," Deidara mumbled under his breath.

"**If you don't want help, don't cry about the pain," **Kakuzu cut in as he entered the room. **"You're worse than Hidan, Deidara…"**

"**I am not-ahh!"** Deidara cringed as he hunched over at the pain in his chest.

"**So what happened**_** this**_** time?"** Kakuzu grumbled as he came up to the blonde bomber, clearly annoyed he had to stitch up yet another reckless member.

"He has a kunai embedded in his chest," Kisame answered.

"**I see. Bring him to my room."**

"Wait, what!" Deidara exclaimed as Kisame pulled the blonde bomber up as Deidara kicked and screamed the whole way. Upon entering Kakuzu's room, aka the Akatsuki infirmary, Deidara was set down on a tablewhile Sasori blocked the door.

Kakuzu sighed as he stepped forward and looked down at Deidara. Deidara pulled back as he glared at Kakuzu.

"What are you doing?" Deidara snapped.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes**. "Just hold still,"** he muttered irritably.

Before Deidara could respond, Kakuzu pulled Deidara's cloak down to his side.

"What the hell are you doing!" Deidara yelled.

"I need to check your injury, **now hold still,"** Kakuzu retorted, annoyed.

"**Like hell I am!" **

Deidara tried to break away, only to have both his arms pulled roughly back behind him by Kisame.

"Hey! What the hell is going on!"

"**Brat. Shut-Up," **Sasori threatened.

Looking up at Sasori and Kisame, Kakuzu ordered, "Hold him down. I need to get some supplies."

In a split second, each of Deidara arms was pinned down by Sasori and Kisame.

"What are you going to get?" Deidara's eyes bulged as he starting to get hysterical.

"So this what Pein meant, hm?" Kisame grinned.

Sasori grumbled to himself.

Deidara swung his head behind him.

"What are you talking about?" he snapped.

"Oh…nothing…" Kisame smiled.

In seconds Kakuzu appeared before them again. This time with a small cutting knife and a alcohol wipe. Deidara's eyes looked on in horror.

"Oh hell no…"

"**Deidara, stay calm, I'm just going to dig it out. It's not even in that deep."**

"I don't care! Just don't do it!"

"**Too bad, you don't have a say in this matter," **Kakuzu replied, rapidly losing his patience with the blonde.

"Huh! Yeah, what else is new…" Deidara grumbled.

Kakuzu's eyes glared at Deidara. Then turned to Kisame and Sasori with a nod.

"What are you-**mmm!"** Suddenly a string from Kakuzu's arm strung up to Deidara's mouth, covering it in a second so only Deidara's muffled words of anger could be heard.

"**Finally. I thought he'd never shut up," **Sasori growled.

…

Deidara looked on in horror at the three S-ranked members of the Akatsuki hovering over him.

"**Alright Deidara. Hold still,"** Kakuzu ordered.

As Deidara looked on at the knife, he immediately turned away. The sudden feel of the alcohol sent a burning pain through his chest as he clenched his teeth. However, it slowly begant o fade away and really wans't that bad until-HOLY CRAP! The sudden pain of the knife going into his skin sent him cringing in pain as he tried to hide it. But to no avail.

_And this is **with **the alchohol! _He thought.

Suddenly, he started to feel light-headed as nausea swept over him and his body began to sweat.

After a few minutes Kisame decided to offer the Iwa-nin a few words of comfort.

"Just a little longer Deidara," he said. Upon hearing no response Kisame looked down at the blonde bomber only to see the he had passed out.

"There. It's out," Kakuzu grumbled as he washed the bloody knife off with a wet towel.

"**Finally…Now I can work on more important matters…"** Sasori grumbled as he made his way out the door.

"**Sasori,"** Kakuzu called him back.

Sasori turned around.

"**What is it Kakuzu? I don't have time for any more-"**

"**He's _your_ partner. Once I bandage him up, _you _need to put him to bed so he can heal"**

Sasori sent him a menacing gaze Kakuzu only sent back towards him, while Kisame looked on in amusement.

_Those two sure are similar…And yet such polar opposites…Who knows what would happen if they were paired up together…_Kisame grinned at the idea as he looked down at Deidara.

_Then again, that would mean Deidara and Hidan would be paired up. _

Kisame shuddered at the thought.

_No. The pairs we have now are just fine. _

Kakuzu had patched up Deidara's wound so the blood wouldn't seep out, although it would cause some pain for Deidara if he tried to use any hand signs, let alone move at all. He'd have to wait a few more days for it to heal.

Kisame was used to having to take care of his own partner. To an _extent_. Itachi wasn't really the type to "ask" for help, so when he could, Kisame did. After all, the kid practically exhausted his chakra limit any time he used those crazy eyes of his...

Suddenly taken out of his thoughts, Kisame looked up to see Kakuzu finishing wrapping Deidara up as he turned to face Sasori.

**"Here. Take him," **he said as he lifted Deidara up into a sitting position, none too gently.

Sasori sighed and grumbled, **"Fine. I'll take the brat to his room since it's**** on**** my way back anyway…"**

As Sasori slowly made his way toward Deidara, he scooped his partner up in his arms as Deidara's face winced at the touch. Sasori loosened his grip somewhat after noticing Deidara's discomfort, and walked out the door.

Kisame looked over at Kakuzu as the old man put away his medical supplies.

"So I take it, you have to use that pretty often with Hidan?" Kisame smirked, thinking of all the times the Takigakure-nin would get angry enough with Hidan to cause him harm that would normally kill a normal person, but since he didn't have to fear for the Jashinist's life, it was no problem.

"**No…"** Kakuzu replied coldly as he got up. **"Hidan's body heals itself. It's not worth my time unless I'm dealing with blood loss and he'll leave me to do all the work in a battle or pass out before we even reach our destination."**

"Gotcha." Kisame grinned.

Kakuzu heaved out a heavy sigh and stood up.

About to make his way out the door he placed his hand on the handle only to be interrupted by Kisame with, "Make sure you take care of that partner of yours Kakuzu. We wouldn't want to make Leader Pein upset again and have to get another one…" Kisame gave a sharky grin.

Kakuzu only glowered at the shark-man as he took one menacing step toward him, and spoke in a dangerously low tone**, "That may be so. But there is no rule about killing **_**another **_**member's partner Kisame…."** A slight smirk could be seen on the edges of Kakuzu's mouth as Kisame looked at him questioningly. And dare he say it, slightly uneasy.

_Would Kakuzu actually kill him if he made him too mad?_

Kisame chuckled.

_He could try. _

**Authors Note:** Just a One-Shot of fun! Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
